Writing Techniques - Showing vs. Telling

Hi, fiction writers! I made this a type 3 swap since it's time-intensive. Swap rules: As always, don't sign up if you have any doubt you can commit to it. It's so disappointing not to receive an attempt. This may be hand-written or printed/typed; Send to 2 partners. Don't forget to communicate with me and your partners if needed. Rate your partner promptly. This is not for judgement but will earn a 5 if the swapper attempted to comply and mailed on time.

Description: One thing writers of fiction are always hearing about is "showing vs. telling". A brief search of the internet will bring up many blogs, videos, and articles with excellent advice. For this swap I hope you'll take the opportunity to practice.

You'll decide on a scene from a current Work in Progress or make up something for the swap. First TELL what happens, as if you're making a presentation to an editor or writing a synopsis. Then write the same scene SHOWING the vital points.

As an example, below is a scene from one of my own manuscripts.

TELLING which can be useful for a synopsis or a sales blurb.

Setting: Las Vegas, Nevada

Alesia Cavion's superstar sister has died, leaving Alesia with the responsibility for raising her two young daughters. Alesia was always in the shadow of her talented, beautiful sister so she compensated with success in her career. She is confident that she can provide the best home for Maggie and Stacey. She will never let their deadbeat father Frank Malone get custody. He used and abused Davita Montoya during their on again-off again romance. Now that Davita is dead, he sees the opportunity to use the media fascination with his children to gain the fame he craves.

SHOWING draws the reader into the story in a more emotional experience. Here is part of the scene which introduces the conflict between Frank and Alesia.

…Together they walked to the gates of the cemetery. The minute they stepped through the gate, the crowd outside went into a fury of yelling and waving. Cameras flashed, blinding Alesia's eyes. People yelled, “What happened at the funeral, Miss Cavion? Maggie! Stacie! Over here, over here. How do you feel?"

Morris and Alesia hustled the children across the sidewalk to the waiting limo while the private guards hired by Morris held off the crowd of paparazzi and Davita's mourning fans.

… Alesia allowed herself to relax against the luxurious seats with a sigh of relief. They waited for her mother to join them. She saw Frank put his arm protectively around Sarah Montoya, just before they exited the gate. Frank walked slowly with Sarah sagging against him on the verge of fainting. His blonde hair was smoothed back under a black fedora. He waved at the crowd, pointing with a quick smile here and there.

With an angry snort, Alesia made a jerky move toward the door intending to rescue her mother. But Morris stopped her with a hand against her arm and leaped from the car to take Sarah from Frank's hold. Without Sarah, Frank moved to the barrier and began signing autographs.

As the door of the limo closed, she heard him lift his voice to say that of course he would be bringing his children home as soon as possible. Inside the limo, Alesia mumbled, “Over my dead body.”