Funny/Sarcastic Holiday Update Letter

We all know those people: they're the ones that send along an "update letter" with their holiday card. Maybe you hate them, or maybe you welcome them. This is the chance to write your own funny update letter and send it to one partner. The letter can't be shorter than two paragraphs, and can either be done in a note card or on stationary/notebook paper and you have the option of handwriting the letter or typing it. The letter should read something like "this year, grandma learned to skydive and grandpa finally went scuba diving, but made the mistake of trying to pet a shark." Be creative and have fun with this! I hosted a swap like this before and it had a good success rate and everyone seemed to get a giggle out of their letter from their partner.

I reserve the right to ban anyone that I feel might be a flaker. No recent unexplained 1's or 3's. Also, I am NOT mocking anyone that actually writes these letters to their friends and family.